A better tomorrow ... by Debbie Edwards

Nothing certain but newness, change and growth

February 8, 2012

Ah, spring is here again! Well, maybe not so much.

Although the current weather up here in Northern Idaho may lead us to believe so due to it's nice, warm, snow-melting temperatures. In other parts of the country, trees have already begun to sprout blossoms and flowers are popping up out of the ground. Mother nature has thrown us a curve ball and even here, there are creeks that have turned into rivers and roadways that have become submerged by lakes that used to be land. Unexpected flooding and early-to-rise foliage has certainly given us new things to work around.

Like with any new thing to work around in our lives, sometimes we tend to fall back on old patterns of how to deal with, and cope with unexpected changes.

As people used to say, nothing is certain but death and taxes. I'd have to say they left a little out of that quote. It should read, nothing is certain but newness, change and growth.

We are bit of an ironic species. As much as we crave adventure, new places, fun things to explore and entertaining the thought that the grass is greener on the other side, we tend to have difficulty when it comes to embracing change that we don't create ourselves. We find as we grow older, that we tend to get stuck in ruts. Why? It's comfortable. Knowing what to expect and what to depend on, even if it's less than ideal, is comfortable, familiar and predictable. The lack of change brings less to worry about because there are less scenarios of what-if's we have to digest. However, on the flip side, the lack of change brings more stagnation and we tend to become bored with the same ol' thing. That can lead to a lesser quality of life.

Taking a look at problem solving and stress management skills when it comes to dealing with unexpected change, we sometimes overlook the reason why we have such difficulty. Whether it's new health diagnosis', loss of a job, death of a loved one, receiving a promotion with higher responsibilities, or even the sudden need to relocate to a new residence, unexpected change can provoke a shock factor of a situation that makes the difference between easily moving through it or becoming traumatized.

Some people are a bit more fragile and yet others are more resilient. We don't need to disconnect emotionally to situations in order to move through it without difficulty. It's just a matter of finding new perspectives of how we view the situation which can alleviate any anxieties or fears associated with change.

A great technique is to take stock of the situation and in your mind, fast forward to a year or even two years down the road to see how this change or event has helped your life evolve. Sometimes we lose a job or find out we have a negative diagnosis when we visit the doctor for tests and immediately assume that something good has gone terribly wrong. Or when we 're on our way to work and we get stuck in traffic or are delayed in which we end up being late. If we were to take those situations and picture the end result of why those things happened, we might see it in a completely different way.

One thing that comes to mind is our history and experience with 9/11. After the tragedy took place, there were many reports in which some of the employees of the twin towers experienced what at first would seem like a negative and unexpected situation to have to deal with. Some experienced their alarm clock not going off, or others being held up in traffic. From their perspective it would seem their thoughts would race towards the idea they would be reprimanded for being late, or their pay would be docked. On the other hand, after the event took place, their initial reaction was replaced with something completely different, including gratitude for still being alive.

When we are stuck behind a snow plow on our way to work or find we're in a long line of slow drivers, instead of becoming frustrated and playing out the result in our mind that we will somehow in some way, suffer because of it, there might be another, more important reason it is happening.

I have avoided fatal car crashes because I left the house late for work. I have avoided sliding off the icy roads because I ended up behind a snow plow that moved ice and snow out of my way, along with throwing down fresh dirt so that I had traction. Had I left the house just moments earlier, my drive to work could have been really dangerous.

What at first may seem negative may not always be that way. There is a reason behind all things, as small or large as they are.
Another thing that comes to mind is the death of my grandfather when I was twelve. He passed away while my mother and I were on vacation in northern Michigan to visit him because he had been ill in the hospital with heart issues. At first, the grief was a confusing and shocking experience. It changed my entire world. My grandmother ended up inviting my mother and I to live with her to care for their property now that he was passed and that meant, after she said yes, I wouldn't be able to go back home to where I was looking forward to attending a great school where I had met new fun friends. While I stayed with my grandmother, my mother traveled the three hours away to the small town in which we lived to retrieve our belongings. When she did, there was a very sudden and unexpected event. The river behind our apartment complex breached its bank and along with other run off from other areas, the entire town was under several feet of water! The amount of damage was immense. In fact, she had to take a boat over to our apartment complex in order to grab what we had left of our belongings. We had to leave behind furniture and many other things but at least we were able to retrieve our clothing and small things. We lived on the second level and had escaped water damage.

I could have looked at those events as both devastating; something that could have left marks of trauma and pain of loss. However, even then and still now, looking back I realize that if my grandfather had not passed at the time he did, I wouldn't have had anywhere else to live and we could have very likely become homeless, if not worse. So many people in that town lost everything; businesses, vehicles, homes and sentimental belongings that they couldn't replace. But we got incredibly lucky. We had a dry place to go with a new start in front of us.

Change is inevitable.

But how we look at the bigger picture of it is up to us, and it can give us a brand new way to experience life. Not only can it give us a way to bring more positivity in our life, but it can help free us of the reactions and fears we tend to cage ourselves into so that in the bigger picture of life, we will give ourselves and open door to a better tomorrow.